Dating After Weight Loss Surgery!

Warning! Not suitable for children or individuals with weak bladders! LOL

Well most of you know me as Jello and a co founder of The Bariatric Cafe. I have been  absent for a while due to my MS and returning to school.

Well, one of my things that has happened in my life is that I have been single for 6 months.  And fplks, things have changed and not for the better!

1.  I have had men grab my extra skin on my stomach on the first date and ask what it is?  First date and I am a size 2!  Ass! 
2. I have had a gentlemen, after two weeks (thank goodness he was nice enough to tell me) that we needed to chat about something.  "Hon, there is something I need to tell you!"  Oh shit, what now!  " I have herpes and you should know"!  What part of I am on immune-suppressant drugs did you not understand, asshole! No we didn't sleep together!
3. Then the topper was the last date......we somehow got on the conversation about those women who just were rescued from a dungeon after 10 years.  He proceeds, no shit, to inform me that his fantasy is to shackle three women in the engine room of his yacht and have his way with them.  I bit, can't help it, curiosity killed the cat......I said, "Your loaded, hire some girls to make it happen."  He stated and I quote, "No that takes the fun out of it!"  CHECK PLEASE!

  I am not kidding you folks, South Florida is a scary place to date.  I am going to school to be a massage therapist.   Do you know how many times I get asked if I do a "happy ending".

I know that other bariatric patients have gone through this, I am now 5'4" and weigh 111.  I have to go to strange peoples homes for my job and now I realize how vulnerable I am at my current weight.  I have never felt like this.  Empowered and cautious.

The best is that when I was heavy, I settled.  Not now!  Never again.  I want what I want and I hope you all see the beauty in yourselves.  I know it takes time and tears, but there will b a day when you love what you see in the mirror and in your heart and you just glow and it shows.

There is an inner peace, and energy that just flows from you that says, "Hello World, I am here and I am living life!"

Play it safe out there, gang!

Hey You, I Am Calling You Out!!!!

 A Bully By Any Other Name.......

When I was a teenager, I expected childish, bullying behavior; however, when I grew up I assumed that adults behaved differently.  Apparently, some adults never grow out of this phase!  Instead of demanding lunch money or just physically abusing you, adult bullies have taken to cyber space!

The bariatric community is full of individuals who were bullied as children and young adults due to their weight.  We as a whole should join together to stop bullying in all forms since we were often the victims of it.  However, lately there has been an upswing in the amount of cyber bullying in our community and instead of banding together to stop it, we either follow it or stand silently by!

  Your words can cut like a sword when someone is dealing with issues of WLS and the negativity makes those issues compounded.  It is easy to sit in judgement of someone else's life from the anonymity of a keyboard.  Would you behave this way or speak so boldly if you were in the other person's presence? Or would you behave like a compassionate human being?  None of us are perfect and it is ridiculous to expect perfection.  Everyone has good days and bad; if you don't want to read about it, move on. To some it may seem like whining; however, it may be a cry for help and your harsh words may push this person over the edge.  Remember the golden rule, if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all!
 

 
As grown adults with families and children of our own, is it not time to stand up and say, "No, we will tolerate this behavior any further?"  To follow or stay silent is saying yes to not only bullying others in the community, but setting a precedent for the present and the future.  Following a cyber bully makes you a cyber bully too!  Who knows, you could be the next victim or it could be your child!

  

 Treat others as you would want to be treated yourselves and let's make this a kinder, more unified community!

 

Anorexia After Gastric Bypass Surgery??

ANOREXIA AFTER GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY??

A typical description of Anorexia Nervosa is as follows:

Anorexia nervosa is an eating disorder characterized by immoderate food restriction and irrational fear of gaining weight, as well as a distorted body self-perception. It typically involves excessive weight loss.  Due to the fear of gaining weight, people with this disorder restrict the amount of food they consume. This restriction of food intake causes metabolic and hormonal disorders.  This is a quote from Wikipedia.

If this sounds a lot like what we go through as gastric bypass patients, then I agree.  However, according to Eating Disorders Review :


Full-onset Eating Disorders
The onset of full-syndrome eating disorders—anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, or binge eating disorder—after surgery is unlikely, but possible. However, it is important to recognize that aberrant eating patterns may develop after the operation that do not meet current diagnostic criteria for eating disorders, but that nonetheless are associated with distress and impaired weight management. For example, research studies indicate that the resumption of or onset of loss of control over eating is not uncommon at longer-term follow- up, and may be associated with inadequate weight loss or weight regain.

Segal and colleagues (2004) have observed the co-occurrence of eating disorders and anxiety symptoms in this patient population. As a result, they have proposed a new diagnosis, “postsurgical eating avoidance disorder (PSEAD).” Because patients with a history of eating disorders prior to surgery may be at risk for developing full-syndrome or subthreshold disorders after operation, these individuals may benefit from close follow-up.

   
My question is, who of us didn't have an eating disorder before having weight loss surgery?  No offense, but we didn't get morbidly obese without having either a binging disorder or without just overeating.  My point is when you have the surgery, it puts you in a state of malnutrition (if you had an RNY) due to your small intestines being removed.  Is that not a form of anorexia?  We are gaining control by limiting our food intake and by causing malabsorbtion. Scary notion is that Anorexia has a 20% mortality rate.

Now for some of us, I am included in this, once you hit your goal weight or below, the fear of regain is so strong, you remain in "control" mode.  Now for me, I suffer from the perfect stereotype, I have struggled with body dysmorphia since the inception of the "new" me. I still walk through a crowded store, avoiding aisles like I still weigh 260 pounds.  I still drink my meals when possible and when no one is there to watch me.  My ready to drink proteins have been on backorder and I am freaking out. I have always been a perfectionist.  I over exercise to stay in control to deal with the anxiety.

It all boils down to anxiety. But, where does that anxiety come from? Stressors in my life that bring up emotions.  It isn't about the pretzels I ate that I must exercise off.  It is about why I ate the pretzels in the first place.  Was I under stress to make a dead line?  Are my adult kids driving me nuts? Do I constantly worry about my grandchildren? Am I excited and nervous about starting school?  Hell yes to all the above!  Am I making wise food choices, no.  So what do I do?  I restrict my intake to an unhealthy level. I drink my meals instead of eating real nutritious food.

For those of you who don't know me, I had adhesions that left me unable to eat real food for 7 months.  I got down to 103, my liver enzymes were climbing and by the time they operated, I almost died.  So, if it takes 3 weeks to make a habit, I am well past making liquid my food of choice.  I am 2+ years out and I still have very little hunger sensation, so if I am to eat, it is by the clock.  I am not making excuses, just stating facts. 

I give great advice, but I need to start taking my own.  I am stepping back and starting at the basics.  I am starting with a meal plan and on Sunday, I am shopping and prepping for the week.  I will be filling lunch boxes and making breakfast for myself daily, snacks included and eating by the clock.  I will hold myself accountable.

Will you join me?  Whether you have regained or you are in the same boat as I am. I could use the support.  Perhaps we could swap recipes? 

Bariatric Advantage Giveaway!

Bariatric Advantage Chewy Bites Giveaway!

Winner will receive 2 bags (flavor of your choice) of Calcium Citrate Bites!

To enter join The Bariatric Cafe and "like" the giveaway!

Good Luck and we look forward to seeing you in "a softer place to land"

Surviving Halloween!!!!!!

Danger Fellow WLS Patients, Halloween quickly approaches!

We are facing the worse time of year for us....................the bloody holidays!  Lots of beautiful children expecting you to hand out candy at your door and what does that mean for us?

It's in the house, people!  Candy is in the house!!!!!!   

Look, I am not one of those bloggers that will say "just go out that night" or "avoid it at all cost" because, my philosphy is that if you don't learn to control it, then it controls you.  I also believe that a sweet SMALL treat ocassionally will keep you on track and keep you from:

a) going bat shit stir crazy and/or
b) going back to your old lifestyle completely.

Now, saying that I want my readers to know that this is my personal opinion and if you disagree with me, then by all means, avoid it at all cost.  I just know that at 2.5 years, I once had a wise woman once tell me, "Then go eat a damn donut!" and she was right, eating the damn thing was far less than the mental anguish and the effect the craving was having on me. So yes, I ate the damn donut!

So, as Halloween approaches and we are racing past the aisles of Halloween candy, instead of white knuckling the cart, perhaps visit Choose This, Not That to choose what candy you do purchase a little more wisely and when Halloween is over, throw it away.

Yes, I said it.  Throw it away!  Who needs the constant reminder or temptation in the house?  If you have small children, require it to be kept in a particular place and tell yourself that location is off limits!  If you have small children, perhaps set a time limit and restriction on how much can be eaten. With childhood obesity on the rise and genetics being a major contributor, why encourage it?  My son and I now swap exercise ideas when once we were both obese.  I am so proud of him!

I know the debate rages on in this community, to have or not to have?  This is only one blogger passing on a small bit of sanity in a jungle of insanity in the holidays.  Take what you want and leave the rest.

Happy Halloween, ya all!!!!!!

BiPro Protein Free Giveaway!

I have spoken often and unadulterated about BiPro Protein being my absolute favorite protein on the market.  It is smooth and creamy and unflavored.  It can be added to almost anything I make, including baking without my family knowing......don't tell!  

Well today I am pleased to announce that they are allowing me to give a free giveaway!!!!!!!!!

Jello's Journey will be giving away a free shaker bottle and a To Go Pack of Bi-Pro!!!!!

To register to win, you must first subscribe to Jello's Journey, then go to: Bariatric Journeys and subscribe to become a member and provide your name, address and phone number for a free sample.

I, personally, have used this product for over 2 years and can tell you that when it comes to taste, I consider it the best in the market.

Good luck!  Winner will be announced October 26, 2012.

Marriage Survival

I want to revisit a topic I discussed in March of last year.  It seems to be a common issue on the boards lately and I, myself are still having issues.  Understanding that our divorce rate is much higher than the national average, I have decided to share a little more about myself and let my members into my sacred space, so to speak.

My husband and I have been together for 12 years and married for 7.  When I married my husband, I was probably 220 and loathed everything about my body at the time.  So, when the intimate relations stopped, I blamed myself.  I thought that is was the weight that repulsed him.  By the time I had my bypass (RNY) I weighed 260 and was compulsively eating to stuff my feelings of loneliness, rejection, guilt and shame.

 During the transformation, which it truly is, I lost the weight and found myself.  I hope this doesn't sound conceited, but I found a beautiful woman that cared about people and the world around her.  I had cocooned myself and had become a recluse to some degree.  I had used my disability ( those of you that don't know I have MS, it doesn't have me) as an excuse to wallow in my own self pity and self destruction.  I ate to feel better, it was my aphrodisiac and I used my MS as an excuse not to exercise.  Until I reached 260 on a 5'4" petite frame.  I used to say I was big boned, and then I lost the weight and found this tiny little woman living in all that fat and anger, boredom, anxiety, fear and pain.  I have endured multiple traumas and I am a survivor.  I have been in countless relationships that were self destructive and painful, some even brutal.  I survived breast cancer.   And I am alive!  I am alive to love, to be loved and if my relationship can not grow with me, than that is my choice what to do with it.  There are no easy answers.

I digressed slightly, but what I am trying to say is that I have nearly died 4 times in the last ninety days and I am taking inventory.  I am co-dependent as hell!  I love to rescue people!  And I set myself up on occasion to be hurt, but I would rather live life being hurt than not living at all.  So, if my husband doesn't find me attractive or is looking for an escape route, he is free to walk away and I will survive!

Getting thin didn't help, so now I am getting healthy emotionally to see where that takes our marriage.  I have been in therapy for years.  But, one thing I have learned is that I can't control this. OMG do I want to!  But, I can't and it is up to me to let go and let my higher power decide where this goes and it is time for my husband to do his work with his therapist. If we are to survive this transformation, he has to transform with me.  If he chooses not to, that is his choice and his decision. And for the first time in my adult life I won't feel like a failure, I refuse to let myself believe that.

I long for a lover, don't get me wrong.  But, unfortunately I know a lot of women, who have gone through WLS and feel the same. The intimacy of a touch feeds the human soul.  And the pain of not receiving that from your spouse can reek havic on one's self esteem.  When our self esteem is compromised, what do most of us do?  Well, for me I eat, or at least I used to.  Now I talk it out with my therapist or I blog, quite frankly. Don't get me wrong, I am not perfect and I do backslide.  But, please show me a person who doesn't.

For the longest time after the surgery, since I couldn't control my marriage, I tried to control my grown children.  Which those relationships where just as dysfunctional. I have even cut the umbilical cord there for the most part.  Is my life in upheaval? Hell yes!  This woman that everyone stomped on is saying, "No More!"  I am not a doormat or an ATM! Unfortunately, it took getting it beat into my head to realize it, literally.

The individuals in this group are special people and most of us are people pleasers. I am taking stock of my self worth and owning it for the first time in my life, without a cookie trail behind me!