Bariatric Advantage Giveaway!

Bariatric Advantage Chewy Bites Giveaway!

Winner will receive 2 bags (flavor of your choice) of Calcium Citrate Bites!

To enter join The Bariatric Cafe and "like" the giveaway!

Good Luck and we look forward to seeing you in "a softer place to land"

Surviving Halloween!!!!!!

Danger Fellow WLS Patients, Halloween quickly approaches!

We are facing the worse time of year for us....................the bloody holidays!  Lots of beautiful children expecting you to hand out candy at your door and what does that mean for us?

It's in the house, people!  Candy is in the house!!!!!!   

Look, I am not one of those bloggers that will say "just go out that night" or "avoid it at all cost" because, my philosphy is that if you don't learn to control it, then it controls you.  I also believe that a sweet SMALL treat ocassionally will keep you on track and keep you from:

a) going bat shit stir crazy and/or
b) going back to your old lifestyle completely.

Now, saying that I want my readers to know that this is my personal opinion and if you disagree with me, then by all means, avoid it at all cost.  I just know that at 2.5 years, I once had a wise woman once tell me, "Then go eat a damn donut!" and she was right, eating the damn thing was far less than the mental anguish and the effect the craving was having on me. So yes, I ate the damn donut!

So, as Halloween approaches and we are racing past the aisles of Halloween candy, instead of white knuckling the cart, perhaps visit Choose This, Not That to choose what candy you do purchase a little more wisely and when Halloween is over, throw it away.

Yes, I said it.  Throw it away!  Who needs the constant reminder or temptation in the house?  If you have small children, require it to be kept in a particular place and tell yourself that location is off limits!  If you have small children, perhaps set a time limit and restriction on how much can be eaten. With childhood obesity on the rise and genetics being a major contributor, why encourage it?  My son and I now swap exercise ideas when once we were both obese.  I am so proud of him!

I know the debate rages on in this community, to have or not to have?  This is only one blogger passing on a small bit of sanity in a jungle of insanity in the holidays.  Take what you want and leave the rest.

Happy Halloween, ya all!!!!!!

BiPro Protein Free Giveaway!

I have spoken often and unadulterated about BiPro Protein being my absolute favorite protein on the market.  It is smooth and creamy and unflavored.  It can be added to almost anything I make, including baking without my family knowing......don't tell!  

Well today I am pleased to announce that they are allowing me to give a free giveaway!!!!!!!!!

Jello's Journey will be giving away a free shaker bottle and a To Go Pack of Bi-Pro!!!!!

To register to win, you must first subscribe to Jello's Journey, then go to: Bariatric Journeys and subscribe to become a member and provide your name, address and phone number for a free sample.

I, personally, have used this product for over 2 years and can tell you that when it comes to taste, I consider it the best in the market.

Good luck!  Winner will be announced October 26, 2012.

Marriage Survival

I want to revisit a topic I discussed in March of last year.  It seems to be a common issue on the boards lately and I, myself are still having issues.  Understanding that our divorce rate is much higher than the national average, I have decided to share a little more about myself and let my members into my sacred space, so to speak.

My husband and I have been together for 12 years and married for 7.  When I married my husband, I was probably 220 and loathed everything about my body at the time.  So, when the intimate relations stopped, I blamed myself.  I thought that is was the weight that repulsed him.  By the time I had my bypass (RNY) I weighed 260 and was compulsively eating to stuff my feelings of loneliness, rejection, guilt and shame.

 During the transformation, which it truly is, I lost the weight and found myself.  I hope this doesn't sound conceited, but I found a beautiful woman that cared about people and the world around her.  I had cocooned myself and had become a recluse to some degree.  I had used my disability ( those of you that don't know I have MS, it doesn't have me) as an excuse to wallow in my own self pity and self destruction.  I ate to feel better, it was my aphrodisiac and I used my MS as an excuse not to exercise.  Until I reached 260 on a 5'4" petite frame.  I used to say I was big boned, and then I lost the weight and found this tiny little woman living in all that fat and anger, boredom, anxiety, fear and pain.  I have endured multiple traumas and I am a survivor.  I have been in countless relationships that were self destructive and painful, some even brutal.  I survived breast cancer.   And I am alive!  I am alive to love, to be loved and if my relationship can not grow with me, than that is my choice what to do with it.  There are no easy answers.

I digressed slightly, but what I am trying to say is that I have nearly died 4 times in the last ninety days and I am taking inventory.  I am co-dependent as hell!  I love to rescue people!  And I set myself up on occasion to be hurt, but I would rather live life being hurt than not living at all.  So, if my husband doesn't find me attractive or is looking for an escape route, he is free to walk away and I will survive!

Getting thin didn't help, so now I am getting healthy emotionally to see where that takes our marriage.  I have been in therapy for years.  But, one thing I have learned is that I can't control this. OMG do I want to!  But, I can't and it is up to me to let go and let my higher power decide where this goes and it is time for my husband to do his work with his therapist. If we are to survive this transformation, he has to transform with me.  If he chooses not to, that is his choice and his decision. And for the first time in my adult life I won't feel like a failure, I refuse to let myself believe that.

I long for a lover, don't get me wrong.  But, unfortunately I know a lot of women, who have gone through WLS and feel the same. The intimacy of a touch feeds the human soul.  And the pain of not receiving that from your spouse can reek havic on one's self esteem.  When our self esteem is compromised, what do most of us do?  Well, for me I eat, or at least I used to.  Now I talk it out with my therapist or I blog, quite frankly. Don't get me wrong, I am not perfect and I do backslide.  But, please show me a person who doesn't.

For the longest time after the surgery, since I couldn't control my marriage, I tried to control my grown children.  Which those relationships where just as dysfunctional. I have even cut the umbilical cord there for the most part.  Is my life in upheaval? Hell yes!  This woman that everyone stomped on is saying, "No More!"  I am not a doormat or an ATM! Unfortunately, it took getting it beat into my head to realize it, literally.

The individuals in this group are special people and most of us are people pleasers. I am taking stock of my self worth and owning it for the first time in my life, without a cookie trail behind me!

Rebound - oh my!!!!!!

I am going to talk about a taboo subject today.  Anorexia after weight loss surgery.  I am going to talk about my own struggle over the last few months to maintain and gain weight.  I know this is a subject that may turn off a lot of WLS patients because they aren't at goal, but everyone can relate to the fear of regain.

Remember the fat girl that so wanted to be skinny.  Well, here you are and you will do ANYTHING to stay there.  I have that feeling to the extreme.  For 7 months after my surgery, I couldn't eat solid food. Which I know was my trigger, I had adhesions that weren't allowing food past my stoma and all I did was vomit.  I went from 260 pounds to 103.  I looked like a skeleton and I stopped letting family and friends take pictures of me.  I looked like a walking anorexic billboard.  But, guess what, I was a size 2 and I loved it!  Deep down inside that fat girl was happy to be a size 2.  Unhealthy as it was, with every rib showing, and my liver enzymes climbing, I had to force myself to take that first bite after surgery. 

The scale began to climb 106, then 110 and now I am 114.  And I find myself panicking!  Absolutely horrified that they will continue to climb.  My goal weight was 130, I am 5' 4".  I am in therapy for this, rest assured.  And I encourage anyone else that is battling this to find a therapist that specializes in eating disorders.

But, if you can relate to the heart stopping panic when you step on that scale, then you know the fear of regain.  Our entire community deals with it, some differently than others, but we still are dealing with it.  We have watched our idols in the community regain and hide it.  We have seen others be honest and talk about theirs.  But, if you're counting calories to the point of severe restriction or your not eating to maintain, please see a professional.  I found my personal life spiraling out of control, there were two things I could control: One was my weight and the other was my house......you can eat off the floors!

According to this study amongst Bariatric patients conducted by:   Rosenberger PH, Henderson KE, Grilo CM. Department of Epidemiology & Public Health, Yale University School of Medicine, New Haven, CT 06519, USA.:

Overall, 36.8% of the participants met criteria for at least one lifetime psychiatric disorder, with 24.1% meeting criteria for a current disorder. The most commonly observed lifetime psychiatric diagnoses were affective disorders (22.4%), anxiety disorders (15.5%), and eating disorders (13.8%). Participants with eating disorders were significantly more likely than those without eating disorders to meet criteria for psychiatric disorders overall (66.7% vs. 26.7%) and specifically for anxiety disorders (45.8% vs. 10.7%).

And according to Eating Disorder Review the risk of suicide increases in Bariatric Surgery patients:
http://www.eatingdisordersreview.com/nl/nl_edr_22_1_3.html

My therapist and I are making progress.  They want me to be 125 lbs. and I told them I would be happy with that if it was in muscle, so I am resuming my exercise routine.

Truth is that I am taking this one day at a time.  I don't have the answers to this question.  I am not an expert, but I know what I feel and I feel fear.  The fear of being fat again is real.  And I can't ignore it or bury it in my subconscious.  It needs to be talked about and discussed.

For The Love of Food!!!!!

The intimate relationship, the sneaking around to spend time with you, the lying about the time we are together, the lusting after you, the guilt for being with you........

Sounds like an affair, doesn't it?  In a way it was!  For those of us that were overweight or that struggle with an eating disorder, you know what I am referring to.  Any excuse will do: stress, depression, anxiety, anger, boredom, celebrations, they all worked as an excuse to stuff my face full of those wonderful tasting items.

Somewhere along the lines, I learned to stuff my feelings with food and let me tell you it has been the longest love affair of my life!  I always considered myself a "foodie".  I was consumed with great food from a young age. 

I grew up in Kansas, with a grandmother who was the best cook in the world.  She taught me how to bake homemade rolls, homemade candies, baked pies and jams.  I even inherited her bread board.  As I grew older, I had a job that allowed me to travel internationally, I took it upon myself to try all the dishes of the world. 

I love to cook and find great pleasure in making people happy through my food.  I know I got it from my Grandma Mary, a wonderful Irish Catholic woman, who fed everyone that entered her home, whether you were hungry or not.  She was warm and welcoming and she made you feel loved.  I wanted to repeat that feeling forever.  I still get that feeling through food.

That feeling of comfort and love that envelops me when I eat that carby goodness is better than a real affair (and sex) on the best of days.  At least I have gotten to the root of the issue.  As I stand in front of the pantry staring at it when I am not really hungry, I continually have to ask myself, "What is it that you really seeking?" 

My grandma had the famous grandma's kitchen table, you know the one.......the one where you are always welcome.  The one that the coffee pot was always ready with a fresh pot, homemade peach or black raspberry pie was ready to be served and most of all, a kind word and conversation was to be had.

I have been searching for that love and support in food since those days and I know I am not going to find it there.  No matter what I had done wrong, grandma always had a cup of coffee and a kind word for me.

My life spiraled out of control for years, by my own doing.  Codependency took over my very existence and obesity slowly took it's foothold.  Trauma after trauma compounded the issue and I fell back to the one love affair that made me feel safe and comforted......food!

When I had started this journey of weight loss surgery, I had no idea that the largest hurdle was my mind.  Getting to the core of why I became obese in the first place became so important, especially if I don't want to return there.  My pouch is only a tool that can assist me, but there are ways around the weight loss surgery and regain is a real issue in this community. 

I am learning that I don't have to give up my love for food, I just have to look at it differently.  I now enjoy reworking old recipes to be more healthy, using alternative substitutes for sugar and I still cook for those I love.

This surgery has fundamentally changed me, even my marriage had to change.  We used to enjoy finding amazing eating establishments and being foodies together, difference is that my husband is "stick man".  My hubby is 5'10" and 150 pounds, with a hollow leg.  He can eat anything and not gain a pound.  I do envy him.  It was very hard in the beginning to readjust, but now we still find places to eat; however, now we enjoy finding healthy alternatives on the menu.  We love cooking together, the only thing I think he can't stand is when I start reading labels and turn a grocery store trip into a 2 hour ordeal.

I struggle with this journey and I fail some days.  But I just keep picking myself up and keep trying again and again.  The self examination can be difficult and painful, but, so worth the effort. 

Do you have a love affair with food?

South Florida Drug Clinics and Transfer Addiction

I know it is all over the news!!!!

http://www.miamiherald.com/2011/08/15/v-print/2360442/oxycodone-purchases-are-dropping.html

Governor Rick Scott is combating oxycodone abuse in Florida!

About 6 months ago, my spinal pain became immense and I sought the help of a pain management specialist.  A real doctor, not the pain clinics they talk about in the articles.  He put me on oxycodone for my Multiple Sclerosis pain.  I thought to myself, well I have lived with this disease almost 19 years, I must need it.

Well, I quickly needed a milligram increase and went from 10 mg. to 15 mg., my mal-adsorption  from the gastric bypass made it impossible to get relief from the drug, I thought.  They drug test you to ensure that you are not taking other drugs, if so, they drop you like a hot potato and refuse you service. Problem was that my tests were showing that I wasn't taking the oxycodone, my body just wasn't adsorbing the drug due to the gastric bypass and low body mass.  Keep in mind that I now weighed 118 pounds and was beginning to look emaciated.  The drugs made me not want to eat.  My appetite was gone and the pills made me nauseous, but by that point my physician had raised my milligram to 30.  I was hooked and didn't know it.  My personality changed, I dosed off and I wasn't living a real life.  I was just hiding from the pain, anyway I could.

I had talked to the doctor about coming off the pills and was informed that it would take months to get off them.  Months, are you kidding me? Oxycodone isn't something you easily stop taking.  The physician and I discussed another treatment option and I had three spinal blocks in three weeks.  The spinal pain subsided, but I was still on the drugs.  When you come off the drug, they add Zanex to help with the withdrawal, and believe me it's a bitch!  In my head though, I'm thinking, great another addictive drug. The withdrawal is terrible, I thought I was dying.  I cut myself off from the Oxycodone abruptly and withdrawal hit me like a Mac truck.

The Center for Substance Abuse Research describes it well:
There is a high risk of experiencing severe withdrawal symptoms if a patient discontinues oxycodone abruptly. Therefore therapy should be gradually discontinued rather than abruptly discontinued. People who use oxycodone in a hazardous or harmful fashion are at even higher risk of severe withdrawal symptoms as they tend to use higher than prescribed doses. The symptoms of oxycodone withdrawal are the same as for other opiate based painkillers and may include "anxiety, nausea, insomnia, muscle pain, muscle weakness, fevers, and other flu like symptoms."

Personally, I can tell you it is like hell!  I thought I was losing my mind and I was sick as a dog.

I tried to ask for help and none of the local "mental" help facilities would touch me, except one that I would rather die than go to.  I went to the emergency room where I had my gastric bypass, just in case I needed hospitalization.  I was vomiting and had diarrhea for over a week and was down to 113 pounds.  I thought I was losing my mind.

The ER doctor was wonderful, he reassured me that I wasn't an addict, that this was just bad medicine.  He wrote me a prescription for Lyrica for the leg pain, which was terrible, and a small prescription for Percocet.  The best was the conversation we had, in which he told me that I may need a pain killer and that didn't mean I am an addict.  I needed those words to be said.

I, like many others who have had weight loss surgery, have this fear of transfer addiction.  I am being as honest about the situation as a precautionary tale.  I could of easily continued taking the drugs instead of seeking alternative treatment, but fear took over.  I have addiction issues all over my family tree and I didn't want to be another statistic within our family.  I have family members who have chosen pills over family and I didn't want to end up like them. Obviously, my addiction to food was the reason for my choosing to have weight loss surgery, so I already have an addictive personality.  I have battled codependency for years and now I needed to face the fact that I am afraid.  What if I do need a pain killer?  Does that make me an addict?

I am wrestling with a real issue that I know others have faced within our community.  Alanon never covered this!  I feel like I am on uncharted territory and don't want to make a miss step.  I am doing my best to survive.  I continue to work my 12 steps and take things one day at a time.