I am what most would consider a newbie in the weight loss community, being that I am still within my first year of the surgery. I have experienced more life experiences than most 80 year old's I know and I have been on a path of self discovery for quite sometime prior to the surgery.
A low self esteem can have such a crippling factor in your life. I have been working on stopping the negative thinking that happens in this brain of mine for a while. I won't lie, when you have trained yourself to talk poorly to yourself for years, it is tough to break. How many times have you said, "I hate my thighs!" or "My ass is huge."? Sometimes, my medicine makes me forget things and I am worse at beating myself up than anyone else. Really? Every woman I know does it. And your lucky if it is only in your head.... I verbalize them all the time.
So I am keeping a journal, a log so to speak. I am writing everything I think or say that is negative this week to see what patterns I see and to see if I can make a conscience effort to taper the negativity (yes, that includes yelling obscenities at old drivers in Florida) .
I want to make more than a physical change in my life. I want to experience joy and freedom from the insanity. I want boundaries and the self love that comes from this experience, this journey. I am taking time for myself. I am meditating and watching the sun come up. I am getting back to nature. I am coloring with pastels and taking time at the beach with good friends.
I am truly blessed with great friends and a loving family and I feel it is time for me to radiate that love and affection to myself and the world. If anyone would like to join me, I challenge you to create a log of your own. What patterns do you think you will find?