Part of the journey of weight loss, whether that be through surgical or conventional methods, is self discovery. Now, I must admit that losing 105 pounds in 6 months is a radical change and probably has made me and others in my position take this path whether we are ready for it or not. When you shed such a large amount of weight, you find that your old self may have been "going through the motions" of life. You find new excitement in wanting to live that life.
With all the excitement and thrill of accomplishment, comes fear. Fear of the unknown. Who is this new person I see in the mirror? Who is this person who can cross her legs? Who is this person that people won't stare at when she boards an airplane because they are thinking, "Please don't have the seat next to me."? Who is this active, vital individual? What does my "new" future hold?
I believe that food was my comfort, my friend. I and many others I have spoken to, go through a stage of almost mourning. When a surgical intervention takes place to lose the weight, you are forced to be stripped of that security blanket that shielded your emotions from pain, fear, boredom and guilt. I can no longer eat to stuff those feelings of inadequacy. I am forced on a journey of self discovery.
There are many avenues you could choose to take to alleviate these emotions. You could cross over to a "transfer" addiction, which is very common, like liquor or pills. I really hate the taste of booze, so that leaves that out for me and addiction is a major problem in my family (which I have discussed), so I choose to deal with this head on.
I am finding that there is a large spiritual component to my self discovery. Now, I am not talking religion or church, but spiritual enlightenment. My higher power is helping me to heal from the inside out. We as humans can't control everything and sometimes must relinquish control. There is great healing properties in this for me.
One the largest parts of this journey in self discovery is learning to heal and forgive myself. I carry tremendous guilt and burdens from my past that weigh heavily upon my soul. Shedding those feelings can only be healthy and make me a better person. We often speak about "random acts of kindness" and how we should "pass it on"; however, do we practice this on ourselves? Do we practice random acts of kindness to oneself? Or do we constantly hold ourselves responsible for the sins of the past? Does it literally weigh us down?
I encourage anyone reading this to practice a random act of kindness on one's self everyday. Begin to care for yourself, whether that be emotionally or physically. Say a prayer, take a bath, take a walk in the woods or at the beach, read yourself an affirmation. Let yourself go for just a little while and release that guilt, boredom, anger or whatever emotion you may be feeling.
Practice a random act of kindness!