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Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Bariatric Mean Girls

Remember what it felt like when people made fun of your fatness?  Remember how much it hurt when their comments and gestures penetrated your outer shell and pierced your soul? Do you remember the pain?  The tears?  Do you remember the "mean" girls in high school who wouldn't let you into their clique? I promised myself, I would never be one of "them". 

When I became a member of the WLS Club, I felt special.  When I first entered the membership, the online comradery was fierce.  If I had a question, I simply put it out there and got a mass of responses.  Further into my recovery, I started to face the emotional aspects of WLS, such as, body dysmorphia and self esteem issues.  Some online bloggers will discuss these subjects out in the open, they are honest that weight loss is not all peaches and cream.  WLS is not a cake walk.  WLS is not the easy way out!

I do believe that I was one of the lucky few, who had started my transformation (yes, it is a transformation) before the surgery.  I had been in therapy for years.  At the time of the surgery, I wasn't currently seeing a therapist.  I would recommend that if you are going to have this surgery, that you seek professional help. 

When the fat melted away, so did my armor.  The armor between myself and issues that I did not want to face up to.  An eating disorder that I needed to face and why I suffered from the eating disorder in the first place and a low self esteem. Most people whom have this surgery, have more to deal with than just weight loss and how to eat correctly after the surgery.  This is a life changing experience.

What I have noticed in our community lately is that there is a lot of finger pointing at each other.  As if we didn't have enough mistreatment from the outside, now we are mistreating each other.  I hear people stating that they wouldn't take advice from anyone that is only one year out and they have nothing to listen to.  I am the first one to say that the old timers in this game understand this fight longer than I do. However, I believe that everyone has something worthwhile to share about their journey.

I know that it pains me to watch people in this community to attack each other.  Perhaps I live in an ideal world, but when we came from such a self destructive place, have we just turned that self destructive personality trait on others.  Have we become one of them?  Are we now one of the mean girls?

Well this girl chooses not to be part of the clique!  I am confident and secure.  I do not need to lash out at others to prove my worth.  And I challenge you to do the same.  I had made a conscience decision to become "healthy".  That means all aspects of healthy, physically and psychologically.

I choose to work on my own issues and not lash out at others.  I choose to continue to speak about transfer addiction, body dysmorphia, eating disorders and the emotional side of WLS.  I will broaden my mind, spirit, eat right and share my recipes with the community.  Please join me in this challenge.


  1. I am totally on board with this!!

    What a perfect post!


  2. I have left several online WLS support groups for the reasons you discuss in your blog post. I would ask questions as a new post-op and be told, for example, "When you are more than five years out, then question my choices!" I wanted to do everything right and was bullied for questioning poor choices of others which they posted in the groups. I was simply trying to educate myself and learn what not to do!

    1. LuLu and Ronnie:

      That is why we started Bariatric Journey's. I am so tired of the catiness! We are here to support each other, not talk about each other!

      Jill xoxo